Wedding Woes, RSVP nightmare... aggggh!!! Three Ring Wedding Circus?

[lorimellita]

Okay. So I sent out about 52 invites, and the RSVP deadlne was day before yesterday, and I have only gotten 8 response cards back, so that is 40-some outstanding invites. Then I found out that my fiance's uncle was all P.O'd & nasty that he didn't get his invitation and I KNEW I had sent it. Well the reason is his mom gave me the wrong address and the invites just got sent back to me yesterday, along with another incorrectly addressed invitation (NOT MY FAULT!!!!) And she is just now giving me the names of the extra people she didn't have addresses for (after the RSVP deadline!!) and she claims it's because her computer broke, but she had to give them over the phone to me when I called, so WHY didn't she call me earlier and give them???" Now my appointment with the caterer is day after tomorrow and I have no guest count. Alot of people do not realize it's not buffet style so I NEED an exact number. Also the people who are RSVP-ing are adding extra uninvited paople. Uggh! So disgusted.

[Erica]

Wow. Looks like you've got some phone calls to make, sadly. Split it up, have your MIL invite the people she JUST told you about, and have her explain why they didn't get an invitation, all the other people that haven't RSVP'ed, call them, and find out. It's about the only thing to do, at this point. Good luck.

[trueeee]

OMG girl this is one of my biggest fears LOL

I have a very large Hispanic family as does my fiance. We are used to someone telling one family member there is a party and everyone showing up. We are not used to RSVPs at all. Now I’m so scared that when I do send out invites, they won’t RSVP but they will show up!!

I think that you should tell your caterer a safe number like 50. Ask the caterer if there will be an opportunity to do a final count after the wedding and to get a refund for the food they don’t serve. My friend was able to do that with her wedding cake (40 ppl that RSVP did not show up!) but I don’t know about the actual catering. It wouldn’t hurt to ask.

You could also send out friendly reminders by phone or by email, if you have that contact information available. Word of mouth works well too.

Good luck!

[Melissa M]

WOW! So take a breather and I would call these people myself and explain the problem. My fiance's family never been involved in weddings and they dont know what to do and they too are inviting the whole world on their invitation...and i had a fit...trust me...it comes with the package..u got to pretend ppl are stupid and treat it that way.

[Sassy Bride]

Unfortunately some people just do not know how to respond...who knows why? I had the same problems with my fiances family. We didn't get RSVP cards back from them, but my fiance told me not to worry because "they are coming. Everyone in his family shows up for an event." Plus, he told me that the whole family would want prime rib (which was the most expensive item). I told him that's great they all will show up, but get on the phone with them ASAP because I'm not going to just add 30 extra people based on that answer. So, he ended up calling and it's a good thing because not all of them wanted prime rib and not all of them could attend.
The best thing to do is get on the phone with people. My friend had something happen with her invitations. She mailed them from her house, only to realize that their mailman had just been busted for throwing all the mail into a nearby pond - strange, but who knows? Maybe your invitations got lost in the mail somewhere.
I would call your caterer and explain the situation. Ask her if it would be possible to meet one week from tomorrow. This way you will have time to get an accurate guest count to her.
As for the people who have taken it upon themselves to invite extra's that is going to mean more awkward phone calls.
I know that it's horrible and not an easy thing to do, but take comfort in the fact that the people who care will truly make the effort to be there...you don't need a whole lot of people to celebrate a wedding; just people who love you. That's all that matters. Try to relax...grab a glass of wine and start making phone calls.

[chelsetoots]

Been there it's so frustrateing..we sent out 35 invites and only got 2 RSVP cards back AAGH...we had to call everyone and see whether they were coming or not and the wedding is only a month from now and just last week we had to call again to make sure our plans were solid.

[Gracielacey]

OH NOooooo.....

I think the only thing you can do is start calling each person invited and ask them how many are coming.. and if the people they are bringing aren't in their immediate family, tell them that you don't have enough room to invite extra people, sorry.

As for the extra people your MIL is inviting, I would tell her that it is too late to invite people now unless she can call them and ask them personally if they will come so you can tell the caterer tomorrow the count.

Ugh, I am so sorry for you.

[wilderness]

I like LB's answer (the 2nd response) except for #3. You should call everyone and be polite & just let them know you need a headcount & they can not add guests.

Even if they were rude & didn't RSVP & added extra guests, they will be attending your wedding to support you & probably getting you a gift. So if you want things to go smoothly on your wedding day, just take a breath and try to be breezy (even though I know it can be very annoying!!! People just don't get that you NEED to know how many people are coming...but understand that perhaps they have not been to this type of seated wedding where headcount is important).

As for #3 - Just tell your fiance's mom that it is too late to add anyone else. Be honest but firm. Explain that there is limited room & you need to have an exact headcount. Explain [calmly] that if she was serious about inviting those people, she should have given you the addresses when you requested them & if there was a problem, she should have let you know long before now. If you "lose" the invites like LB suggests, she might CALL them and invite them, & you will have no space for them.

I know that all of this stuff is a nightmare, but try to be above it all and polite and rational to everyone. It will pay off in the end.

Good luck! I hope it all works out for you.

[Gracielacey]

OH NOooooo.....

I think the only thing you can do is start calling each person invited and ask them how many are coming.. and if the people they are bringing aren't in their immediate family, tell them that you don't have enough room to invite extra people, sorry.

As for the extra people your MIL is inviting, I would tell her that it is too late to invite people now unless she can call them and ask them personally if they will come so you can tell the caterer tomorrow the count.

Ugh, I am so sorry for you.

[spring time :)]

you need to call everyone that hasn't rsvp and get an answer and call all the people who added guest and tell them sorry due to budget/ space we can't add people.......

this is rude behavior but unfortunatly many people just assume that you know they are comming and other people just assume that it's ok to add people to your list. they don't take into account that each person they add coust you x amount of dollars.

you can have mom and mom-in-law make some of the calls too. stick to what you want, some feelings may be hurt but you need to have the day you planned for and can afford.